Forgiving myself

Aiden turned 3 a little over a month ago. He's huge. He's actually just a hair taller than his 5 year old cousin. He's kind and caring. He's happy and loving. Aiden loves Phineas and Ferb, cars, and planes. He loves making people laugh and loves just to run around and play in the dirt. His crazy blonde curly hair matches his personality. Aiden loves to eat Chinese food and drink chocolate milk. Considering his birth I think I've gotten pretty lucky. Aiden is smart and health as an ox. He is a pretty normal child. Yet Aiden does have an issues. Aiden has a major speech delay coupled with a behavioral problem. For awhile I was in denial about it. Because god forbid there was something wrong with him it would be my fault. I am lucky that New Jersey has a great early intervention program and in November I was able to get Aiden evaluated. Where Aiden is at or above his peers in fine and gross motor skills and self help skills he lacks in other areas. He was at 14 months or so for speech, just about the same as his little brother Cami. In January he was barely talking. Aiden had BI (behavioral intervention) 3 days a week. It was slow going. I blamed myself a lot for his problems, maybe I should have never gone back to work or maybe I should have left him in daycare. But would that really made all the difference? One thing I learned is sometimes these things just happen. I went through all the what ifs and it really doesn't matter what happens as long as Aiden gets the help he needs. Which he did. Aiden has not caught up all the way with speech and we are still trying to figure out what is wrong but he is a different kid. He can tell his what he wants now, and he is much happier. We can actually talk to Aiden and responds back. Its an awesome feeling knowing that he understands me. The new thing we face is him being labeled autistic. He doesn't have autism, and I find that the biggest hurdle right now. The first thing people ask are is he on the spectrum. I think that's unfair of young children with learning disorders, that without knowing anything that that's the first words out of people's mouths. I have had fights with specialists because their lack of an open mind, and what i think is the over diagnosis of a very VERY serious disorder. Once again I love that I live in North Jersey. Once Aiden turned 3 he aged out of EI and He is able to enter a special preschool for children with delays in my town. I sadly do not live in an Abbott school district, which means my children don't get to go to school for free when they are 3. So much for being middle class, white and paying high taxes. Anyway, we are lucky enough that he gets to go to school. Which has been filled with problems. All I know is sooner or later he'll get to go to school. But first and foremost that this really isn't my fault and sometimes these things just happen. And all I can do now is fight for whats right for him!