May 3, 2014

Cami, the late potty training monster


After going through 4 pairs of underwear in less than 30 minutes I don’t know how I survived potty training Aiden. I’ve been trying to get Cami excited about potty training this whole week. For the first time in his almost 3 and a half year life he doesn’t want diapers. He actually said he wanted to just wear underwear. Which for me was a HUGE win. Yet actually getting him to pee in the potty seams almost unthinkable.

I know today is day 0 on potty training. We haven’t had any successes. My floors have never been cleaner, and I’m super glad that I bought extra pads for my revel mop. 5 hours in and I’m about to throw in the towel. My washing machine can only do so much wash in an hour. I’m getting super frustrated stepping in pee puddles.

 It’s funny, a year ago I couldn’t image less than 3 kids in diapers at once. I survived Aiden’s potty training, and now I only have 2 monsters in diapers. I can almost taste only 1 monster in diapers. My wallet also cannot wait for Cami to be out of diapers. A new designer bag is calling my name with all the money I won’t be spending on diapers.

Yet today I am super frustrated. Which is to be expected. Potty training isn’t easy. Cami is making it far from easy. Maddie wants to use the potty and is telling us when she poos. She’s just shy of 16 months old. Cami at 3 and a half is fighting me to sit on the potty. I know if I get through today, tomorrow will be easier and if I get through tomorrow the next day will be a breeze.

April 23, 2014


For the past few years I’ve stepped away from this blog. It’s not like I haven’t had time or anything. I’ve been caught up with stuff. I’ve been caught up with Aiden who from birth was a handful. I then went through a messy breakup which after almost 3 years has finally quieted down. Then now there is a second special needs son (Cami). Followed by the addition of a beast and a baby girl. With all the pushing and fighting that I went through for Aiden then Cami, I should have blogged more. I could have inspired someone else to step up for their child(ren) BUT I didn’t. Thinking about it makes me sad. All this thinking came up because of what’s happening in the next few weeks.

On Thursday the letter with Aiden’s IEP meeting info for kindergarten came in the mail. (For the people who followed Aiden’s early days and anyone just dropping in, Aiden was severely speech delayed. And no he’s not on the spectrum (because that is usually the next question)) When he entered school in mid-December 2012, after 3 months of fighting, he was barely talking. He was nowhere close to potty training and had horrible temper tantrums. I actually had to buy ear plugs to get through them. Today Aiden is a normal 4 and a half year old. He plays hockey and loves to spell his name for you.

There are other fears that follow Aiden’s progress. I am afraid despite our awesome school system that he may fall through the cracks. I am worried that Aiden may fall behind again. I am so scared that Aiden will become one of the few statistics people hear. Everyone knows the numbers related to autism, but most people don’t know that once a child leaves the early intervention system they are likely to fall behind by 3rd grade, and once that child hits 4th grade there is little chance that they will catch up.

I’ve taken steps to hopefully prevent this from happening. I’ve become as hands on as I can. I have become so involved with my sons’ school that I even started a PTO, which is the first time since 90% of the teachers in the building can remember the school having one. I ask questions, and there’s a good chance that I am considered “that annoying” parent. But no matter how much I do, it comes down to if Aiden qualifies for services. I do not have that answer yet, but I do have my fingers crosses. 

April 30, 2013

so i'm changing my lifestyle and writing a blog about it to help me keep my goal http://nikkicupcakeisgoingtodoitthistime.blogspot.com/ if you wanna check it out!

April 15, 2013

Taking over a lease

Since my split from Aiden and Cami's father there have been quite a few guys I dated and "saw". It was awkward at first but then dating became "normal". I dated one guy for a month and broke up with him then there was someone else I "saw" for quite a few months who ended it with me which was kind of hard for me. I dated around a bit after that. I went out for drinks with a few guys who I thought could have been winners that weren't. I had late night phone conversations with people I thought could have helped heal the holes that were left by the past, which those people did but not in the way I was looking. I made out with guys in cars and stared at the star filled night sky. Then I met someone The someone was quite and reserved, unlike me. Our paths had crossed multiple times in the past, yet we never really noticed each other before. He was unbroken, I on the other hand was shattered and torn. He was nice and understanding. We hung out for quite awhile before we became a couple. We had a fun summer of just falling in like then love. We've been through some hard times like in November when Sandy hit North Jersey. He was displaced for 2 weeks and I'm still cleaning up the damage that occurred when a giant tree took out my whole backyard. We've been through a lot, but he's still sticking around. In January we welcomed a baby girl named Maddie so it's safe to say Dave is a big part of the boy's life. So Last night while watching some comedian (which I cannot remember who it was for the life of me) with Dave, the comedian talked about his step son. He referred to it as "taking over a lease" which I thought was the cutest thing ever. A few minutes later Cami who had been having bad dreams started to cry so Dave went into his room picked him up then carried him to the couch where Cami cuddled with us. And I then turned to Dave and said so you're taking over a lease. And the rest of the night we just laid and cuddled on the couch until I went to bed and it couldn't have been nicer.

September 22, 2012

Forgiving myself

Aiden turned 3 a little over a month ago. He's huge. He's actually just a hair taller than his 5 year old cousin. He's kind and caring. He's happy and loving. Aiden loves Phineas and Ferb, cars, and planes. He loves making people laugh and loves just to run around and play in the dirt. His crazy blonde curly hair matches his personality. Aiden loves to eat Chinese food and drink chocolate milk. Considering his birth I think I've gotten pretty lucky. Aiden is smart and health as an ox. He is a pretty normal child. Yet Aiden does have an issues. Aiden has a major speech delay coupled with a behavioral problem. For awhile I was in denial about it. Because god forbid there was something wrong with him it would be my fault. I am lucky that New Jersey has a great early intervention program and in November I was able to get Aiden evaluated. Where Aiden is at or above his peers in fine and gross motor skills and self help skills he lacks in other areas. He was at 14 months or so for speech, just about the same as his little brother Cami. In January he was barely talking. Aiden had BI (behavioral intervention) 3 days a week. It was slow going. I blamed myself a lot for his problems, maybe I should have never gone back to work or maybe I should have left him in daycare. But would that really made all the difference? One thing I learned is sometimes these things just happen. I went through all the what ifs and it really doesn't matter what happens as long as Aiden gets the help he needs. Which he did. Aiden has not caught up all the way with speech and we are still trying to figure out what is wrong but he is a different kid. He can tell his what he wants now, and he is much happier. We can actually talk to Aiden and responds back. Its an awesome feeling knowing that he understands me. The new thing we face is him being labeled autistic. He doesn't have autism, and I find that the biggest hurdle right now. The first thing people ask are is he on the spectrum. I think that's unfair of young children with learning disorders, that without knowing anything that that's the first words out of people's mouths. I have had fights with specialists because their lack of an open mind, and what i think is the over diagnosis of a very VERY serious disorder. Once again I love that I live in North Jersey. Once Aiden turned 3 he aged out of EI and He is able to enter a special preschool for children with delays in my town. I sadly do not live in an Abbott school district, which means my children don't get to go to school for free when they are 3. So much for being middle class, white and paying high taxes. Anyway, we are lucky enough that he gets to go to school. Which has been filled with problems. All I know is sooner or later he'll get to go to school. But first and foremost that this really isn't my fault and sometimes these things just happen. And all I can do now is fight for whats right for him!

February 22, 2012

It's rare when my house is quite at 7:30 at night. Cami went to bed a little early and Aiden is quietly playing on the floor with his cars. It's been a long time since I've gotten a chance to actually sit down and well blog. I've been taking A LOT of me time. After Alan and I split I felt out of sorts. I really began to feel the grip he has on my life. I actually had to leave my job because of him in the end. I'm dealing with the lack of support financially and being a father now. It sucks for the boys BUT there are tons of people who love my kids so they really aren't missing out that much. My laptop kicked the bucket recently so some of the time I have could have been spent blogging well I couldn't. But with my free time I have taken up a lot of projects around the house. I now have an offical laundry room. I redid the bathroom. I'm currently working on the garden and the kitchen. OH! and I'm potty training Aiden. I have had a slew of relationships and actually went through a pretty icky breakup. I've been keeping my social candler pretty full, reconnecting with old friends and such. I've also been working on my tattoos and detox juicing a lot. So now onto the kids! Aiden is huge! He's the size of a 4 year old. Aiden hasn't really started talking yet so he's in early intervention. He gets therapy 3 days a week and in the fall he's gonna be going to school. It's just him being stubborn. After 2 years I finally have gotten his dermatitis under control. Aiden has likes and dislikes now. He loves phineas and ferb, the color green, playing hockey, and to sing. He's such a little person. Cami is the handful now. He's climbing and getting into everything. Where I didn't have to baby proof with Aiden, Cami is a whole other story. He's big too, but hes still small enough to hold and carry. He's my little Cami monster. He's talking up a storm and is actually a bit of a neat freak. He's into sweeping and picking up after Aiden. He loves Jack's Big Music Show, dancing and giving hugs. So we're all good, HAPPY AND HEALTHY. I know i always promise not to fall off the earth but I do so I won't make that promise again. Then maybe I'll keep up with this blog :)

September 24, 2011

Hello again

I’ve let this little blog of my parenting adventures go a bit. A lot has happened since I last left you. I started a full time job that’s pretty rad. I enjoy the job and I’m learning skills I can actually use to help support me and my children. I also adore the people I work with and the people I work for. I’ve made a bunch of new friends that are showing me what I’m missing from life. I got a new tattoo. Oh and Alan and I broke up and I’m now a single mother of 2 TODDLERS. That’s right toddlers! So more on the babies, Aiden just turned two. He’s smart as hell too. He’s talking more and more each day so I’ve been spelling A LOT which helps me with my well lack of spelling skills. Cami started walking exactly when he was 11 months old! How crazy is that! He’ll be one on Oct. 12th which I totally still can’t get over! They are getting big so fast! The house is still standing despite all the craziness going on here. I live in the part of jersey that got hit by the hurricane REALLY bad. I just got a few inches of water in the basement, which had been happening every heavy rainstorm all summer. I lost my whole veggie garden with the storm too BUT I had done amazing all summer with tomatoes so it wasn’t a huge loss. So more on Alan and I’s break up. Here’s the short version of the long story. I cheated on Alan, Alan then started doing things I won’t mention here because I don’t need a pity party. So he walked out but if he didn’t walk out I would have kicked him out that day cuz what he did to me is something you should never EVER do no matter what. Anyway Alan got his wish he doesn’t have to deal with the kids everyday. But that’s all that’s been going on. I promise this time I won’t let things!!!
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